I want no one to remind me of my past, to divine who I am, to tell me what I shall do. I want to wake up, catch the light behind my lashes, and being called with a name I've never heard before.
Plastic bags and baggy pants, dusty dawn and faded tans. A loner gets lonely, a beauty queen feels ugly. We are scared to translate what feel inside, terrified anyone seek what we hide.
She ran on the thin line, he poured a glass of wine. She wants you, to paint her blue. You will never stay, not even her hair turns grey. She's filled with anger, but all she thinks is your smell that lingers.
She found herself wake up on the west of London, and you are not the one on her phone. Good bye Malaysia, maybe she has amnesia. New city, makes her feel pretty. She goes with a new repute, brand new attitude.
'London, tell him that I have moved on and I'm counting on the day he will admire me from far.'
P.s: I am not 'she' :p
Expectation comes from portraits, and realisation hit when you joined the parades.
Contentment, celebration, farewell, adjustment take place when we are moving. Some people migrate to hide and clear up minds, some by coercion, and some for the better.
Listening to the buzzing sound of airbus that flew above my head had me wondering. How do people dress in the other part of the world? What are their routines? How do they socialise?
As I point my nose to the north, I put my head in the custom of the northerners. Expectation comes from portraits, realisation hit when you joined the parades.
Oh England, to stride in your land has been such candies to my eyes, yet a bundle put on my back. I believe that with this 28 inches step once in a time will lead me close to my pie in the sky.
I will speed up, I will climb, I will do anything to get along with you.
Break a leg,
Cast me out of your group, send me away far from home. I'll come back brighter than diamond.
Young men enjoy bloodshed, girls want others cry, people like to watch you wounded. No one sit and listen to your stories. They were right. As you get older, people get colder.
As I walked further from departure hall, I turned around, after my name was called. It breaks my heart yet give me courage that they never stop me, from the decision I made.
To my other half, that was what one addressed me, got me almost hopped off the plane and come back to that person, but I did not.
My friend, I am always here to catch you before you fall, or to take another step with you, I'll carry anything for you home.
Dear city in the north,
I found your name,
when I was lost in tangled tricks.
Neighbours put me to shame,
These two feet stand like torrefied sticks.
Your colours, your motions, your bluntness, have got me live like I was young again.
It was little to be spoken at first time we met, as I alienated what you say, but you treated me as your best friend.
Best friend? I have the most terrible description of a best friend. I have less than the fingers on my hands.
Ones who are called best friend are the honest ones, they have no shame. They overwhelm you, but never admit they love you.
Every alley, every gestures, and every 'what's going to happen' become so familiar. Every wrong turns, seems like I'm not the only one who was lost.
I admire your body language the most, how closeness can be build by familiarity of one's gesture.
I remember that time, strolling around for breakfast. That was the first culture shock, I would emphasise.
Just about getting ourselves seated on the stools by the street for phở, we were treated as a usual customer within the city.
I was astonished how my wallet was taken by one shop owner, and he took the money and gave the change to each of us.
Exactly, that's how blunt your closest friend can be!
I am grateful we let down our barrier, I'll miss the way we greet each other, I love the way you treated me as a friend, Hanoi.
Thanks for the earliest flight from Bangkok, for re-buying the new ticket, and all that leads me to be friend with this city.
From a friend of yours,
Recently on Instagram
Because new year is on the first day of autumn.
I've been hundred feet above the sea level these past few weeks. Catching flights and missing flight. Hit Kuching, Kalimantan, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, and back to Kuala Lumpur again to meet those loved ones.
Goodbye was as horrifying as the first time you get to know new people. That's just how fast would they get along when you're gone that makes them different. In hope it would be long enough like I do here.
Being replaceable was what I was scared the most, the very reason why I never choose to leave marks in so many people's heart, or what people say I do not make lots of friends.
However, we are meant to meet certain people that soon become your best friend in strive to find out who you are, and the next person to discover yourself.
It is nerve wrecking that one day you'll find yourself look through your social media feeds about your friend's new life, think twice of how it would be awkward to start a conversation again.
My friend, I promise, however distance would turn our friendship to be, I will still find you, and get to know you like how I have put my effort the first time I met you.
Your caring friend,
I left half of my heart in the northest place in the southeast Asia. Papa, help, I fell in love with the sound of the wind that kissed my lips.
In my dream, I had always been here. Different name in previous life.
I wonder, how many names can we remember in a lifetime? where does knowledge lead us to? Is our fate written by the same hand?
We, humans, we were born as the curious ones, we live as the seekers, it is ashamed that we put one another into boxes of categories.
We step on the same land, walking under the same sun, work for a better life, yearn for security, we have a dream in common. How have we become strangers to each other along the line of growing up?
I pray that we'll remember not by listening, or believing not by seeing. We'll find ourselves staring at the horizon, and let our heart be touched.
We'll start to recall strange names, we'll start to accept colours and patterns. That's why, on the first place, the writer, God, gathered us in a circle. A circle that guide us to one another no matter how many miles we have run.
I have started running. i have not wandered so many miles, yet I have not seen much, maybe I still perceive the world is extensive. Nevertheless, having been running has touched me in many possible ways.
They are no longer seen as threat, and I am no stranger to them.
We brought an empty bag and a pocket full of luck, yet we starved on the last day. Guess that luck is given for the beginners.
The worst thing might happen when a caged lion come back to the jungle is they forget how to survive.
Thailand has never been on my bucket list of places to visit in southeast Asia, even though I had been given elephant figures or keychains so many times as souvenirs.
Never rushed to visit it, never popped up as the first 'where tos' next semester break, however, it has been there in the back of my mind, making little echo that I must visit this 'oh so near' place.
5 in a group decided to head up to Bangkok on July 20, 2014. With no luggages, just passports, Thailand Baht, cameras on standby, and a bucket full of lucks.
Never thought that Thailand would be such a special place to wake our surveillance up, and to guard ourselves with extra foreign comprehension.
Thailand, precisely, Bangkok, have shown me there are ways to make living, pick yourself up when you are a mess.
That old man lies beneath his smile under red umbrella and red stripped neat shirt, that boat driver bow before we sat on a boat that led nowhere, and the shop cashier jokes.
Yes, there are so many games to play to make life less rocky to be climbed. On the other hand, I want to believe that hospitality from heart still does exist.
However, I am still in admiration towards the culture. Despite of our bad lucks. Countless wasted bucks, mostly.
I must say that Bangkok has penetrated some good toxin to my soul, besides all the bucks spent on Platinum clothes, I learned universal language of vocal tone. This might sound illogical, but you'll get to understand feelings beyond words spoken, safe and danger alerts.
Thank you Bangkok to fill my pin point of Southeast Asia places I've stepped on, to those surprises, to exposed the unexposed, and to make me believe of originality of a culture.